Is + your - equation = working for you?
A couple of months back, I was out on a walk-and-talk with a colleague and we spoke about a position she recently applied for—and got.
Many of us dream of an application process unfolding with such ease. She put her name forward, she had two glowing references and she got the role within two weeks of interviewing. But it gets better: two decades ago, as a 24-year-old grad school student, she could have only dreamed of a role such as the one she had just landed.
This was it.
And yet, this brilliant, ambitious, dynamic human had some other concerns. As I stepped over pinecones and around fallen branches, I listened to her weigh the pros and cons of actually taking this dream job—because it really was a question. The drawbacks of stepping into this bigger arena weren’t minor. For a parent with young kiddos, whose partner already had a weighty and often long-houred job, the equation was not quite as simple as it might have been back in those idyllic grad school days.
So often, we find ourselves doing this kind of mental math in the background. It’s the equation of modern life.
Does this job + this personal life = what I need? Does it enable the quality of life I aspire to for myself (and those I support)? Does this role empower me to do what I can do best, and fill me up with purpose? Or does it drain me, leaving me depleted after the workday (whatever time that is when I walk down from my bedroom commute)? How long can I keep doing this for before some real damage shows up?
It would be lovely if the solves were simple. If it were clear that prioritizing one thing over another were the answer.
But in my observation, our equations are often much more complex.
I was recently working with a client who was thinking about letting go of an ambition and career they had pursued for a while. The scheduling, the demands, the numbers, the energy – it was wild to think it could all work together.
So, the simplistic view would be to say – let it go.
And yet, when we slipped beneath this surface tension, it emerged that these professional challenges and achievements are what gives them energy; a demanding work life actually helps them show up as their best self for their family, friends and colleagues. Take that away and you’d be left with a resentful, drained and unhappy human, and that would not be good for anyone.
And so, they soldiered on, tweaking the formula here and there to do more deep work, or spend more time recharging with family, always mindful that there is an equation running in the background and it runs much of our lives.
The layers I’m folding back here explain why the concept of a work/life balance falls flat with so many of us.
It’s not as simple as lining up the hours we work in a given day with the amount of time off we have in our lives. This glosses over the complexity of modern lives and our humanity as individuals.
If you find you are constantly doing this math in the back of your mind, it’s a signal that you might want to think about it more explicitly.
Some questions for your consideration:
What is the equation you are working with?
What assumptions are built into the model?
How might you test those assumptions?
What activities fill up your tank, allowing you to feel engaged and energized?
What activities take a lot of your time but don’t, in your eyes, yield much value?
As we move through phases of life — with their patchworks of demands, stresses and rewards—it may feel very cloudy and hard to find perspective.
I am not suggesting that we all go and overhaul our equations every time these feelings bubble up. Rather, it’s about seeking understanding, creating clarity wherever possible and accepting the reality that our equations are not simple arithmetic. Getting clear on the choices we are making and why can only serve to empower us as we move through an increasingly complex world.